Those two words will cause panic when they pop up on the screen.
Recently, my grandfather, the patriarch of our family, unexpectedly experienced a massive heart attack.
When the text came through that they were taking him to the emergency room, I remember thinking – this could be the day that we lose him.
I had spent the afternoon the day before pulling weeds out of my flowerbeds and talking with him about his day. Like we had done so many other times before, he came up the path from working at the barn and we just talked…like we’ve done for twenty two years now.
I was rushed that day…Bennett was finally napping, but I didn’t know how long he’d be asleep. I needed to get the weeding finished before he woke up again so that I could feed him, make dinner, shower, etc. I remember feeling slightly agitated taking time out of my day to sit and talk with my grandfather when I had so many other things to do.
The guilt that I felt as that afternoon turned to evening was heavy. I mentioned it to my husband that night how God had reminded me, “someday he won’t be walking up the path to speak to you. Someday his horn won’t honk when he pulls out of your driveway. Someday you will miss that. And there is nothing so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow.”
Oh, how I cried when we heard the news less than twenty four hours after that moment.
Thankfully, we didn’t lose him. He was quickly scheduled for open heart surgery and ended up needing a quadruple bypass and an aortic valve replacement. My family has been in and out of the hospital for the last three weeks, tending to him before the surgery in the boring period of waiting, laughing with him. When the day of the surgery arrived, praying with him and shedding some tears. Now that the surgery is over, praying for relief as we watch him walk through the pain of healing from such an ordeal.
Growing up, no one in my eyes was as strong as my grandfather. He is definitely my hero in many areas of life. More recently, his example of being a godly patriarch to the Barker family in the later years of his life has been incredible. The way he prays, gently guides, teaches, and loves his children, grand children, and now great grandchildren is an inspiration. And I had no idea how full he made our lives until, for a brief moment, he wasn’t there anymore.
For several days his smile was gone, his contagious chuckle that anyone who’s met him knows and loves was too painful to produce, his eyes that usually sparkle with the joy of the Lord were tainted with pain and suffering. Every breath hurt, every movement torture. We didn’t get his daily Bible verse texts in the family group chat, or reminders of how much “Pappaw loves you” for days.
And it was heartbreaking.
To watch my Pappaw, my pillar of strength, be so filled with pain and to not be able to take it away…I feel for anyone who has ever had to sit beside a hospital bed and feel that helpless.
But God, as always, played through for my Pappaw who has been a faithful believer his entire life.
Despite the pain, Pappaw experienced a borderline miraculous recovery. The surgery was successful, despite the severity of his condition, and the doctors were shocked at how quickly he was able to walk through the immediate recovery process and make his way home.
He continues his healing process, and in recent days I have started to see that smile and hear that laugh again…though very, very softly.
God continues to carry my grandfather through this valley, demonstrating his unfailing faithfulness that is sufficient for every challenge.
I have seen God show up in incredible ways these past few weeks for my family as we’ve walked this path. People have come into town to be by our side, hundreds of prayers lifted up on Pappaw’s behalf, meals have been brought…it just goes to show how impactful of a person he is, how he shines for Jesus.
So, while we continue to pray and help my grandfather recover, I wanted to share this charge with you all: take time for your loved ones. I don’t know that I would’ve ever been able to forgive myself had that afternoon before the heart attack been my last with him. If I had stubbornly allowed something as trivial as chores to get in the way of life building discussion and wisdom from my grandfather.
You never know when that text will come through saying that person who means so much to you is gone forever. Don’t pass up chances to visit them, talk with them, be present with them. Take every moment with them as if it could be your last.
Because it could be.
God has graciously given us more time with our Pappaw. And I look forward with joyful tears in my eyes to the day he comes strolling up the lane when I have a thousand things to do, takes Bennett into his arms, and sits down beside me at the table to talk for awhile.
Because, I now believe what he always tells me, “What doesn’t get done today can wait ’till tomorrow, and if tomorrow never comes, it won’t matter anyway.”